Bliss….it rhymes with so many things…miss, piss, kiss, hiss and dis….All of what seem to be the BLISS of mootherhood….
To mention each rhyming word, here we go.
Miss: I miss being able to laugh and sneeze with out pissing on myself, my body being my OWN. Eating meals, not left over day old food found between the seats of my car, going to the bathroom without having to be a hostage negotiator from the toilet, empty schedules and lazy days…and when my kids are gone I find I do the most missing then….well sometimes.
Piss: pissing alone, not on myself, not covered in kids piss or the smell of piss in my house full of boys, feeling pissed that I have hid my last soda and tiny humans found it and are slurping it right in front of me with a smug look of caffene bliss. But I find myself the most pissed when I complain about my children.
Kiss: being kissed by snotty nosed gremlins that are my offspring. Find lip marks on surfaces I cant fathom reasons why they are there, kissing my husband…..you know the long deep passionate hot and heavy kisses that are interrupted with CAN YOU WIPE ME MOM or the disgust that moms and dads kiss. But I find myself sad if they leave without giving me a kiss.
Hiss: since 2005 I have found that I sound like a fucking hissing snake, cat, alligator or honeybadger when my kids wont listen or fight non stopppppp. But there are times I make myself laugh so hard at how ridiculous I must look and sound when I use my motherly hiss…cage me already.
Dis: this right here usually is from other momsters trolling the park and playgrounds. The disrespect from other mom’s is so fucking insane…I know you pee on yourself, I know you have .mised a shower or two along the way…..we are the same fucking fabric…So because I haven’t jumped on the GLUTEN bandwagon don’ sit there with your fucking homemade granola bars shaped like festive items that go along with holidays themes. How bout this you swapsters in disguise, how about we exchange that look of empathy, respect regardless of how I’m momming or your momming. Because I got you moms out there. I got your backs…you want me in your mom group cause I’ not being pushed about by NO one…when you need that ruthless, truth telling, no nonsense talking, sailor cussing ride or die mom….Im your sidekick..I have had to give a few cunt punts in my time and my aim is remarkable… But when you find a tribe of moms, or women who keep it real no matter what, you have struck GOLD.
This is my Bliss.
Because I’m a mom